I Dream of Derek!
by saywhatyouneedtosay
Summary: Have we not all had the dream of our very own prince charming, our dream guy? Could this dream not only freak out Casey but change her world forever? Dasey! Now completed!
1. Chapter 1

Diclaimer: I don't own LWD!

A/N: Okay, here comes another One-shot, though really, I should be working on my other projects… A review I got for another One-shot I wrote gave me this idea, because it was said that Casey's feelings are not as obvious in the show as Derek's…

_T__hese Feelings I Have_

I woke up this morning feeling somewhat weird. I use to feel happy for another day; I'm a morning person and like to start the day as soon as possible.

But today I feel just…well…weird. I think it was the dream I had that is making me feel different than other mornings. Unfortunately I don't know what it was about, just that I was happy, really happy. Like Elizabeth in Pride and Prejudice must have felt when Mr. Darcy proposed to her for the second time, or like Juliet would have felt if Romeo has waited just one more minute before drinking the death poison, or like Hermione when she finally got to kiss Ron.

I imagine that they must have felt like this too, their hearts full, only thoughts of joy, love and happiness wandering through their minds.

And that is the reason why I don't want to stand up for another day of high school, Derek, my crazy family, teachers, Derek, homework, dish-washing and Derek. I want to go back to that dream, I want to feel so completely happy one more time. Even when I was with Sam or Max, I never felt that way.

The wicked thing is that I can't remember, not the guy, not the place, not if I had pink or red lip-gloss on. All that is left is the memory of a feeling, as sweet as any I've ever had. But it is passing away fast now, though all I want is to dwell in it forever…

"Morning, Space Case! Time to wake up and show the world your wobbly grade-grubbing self one more time!"

"Der-ek! Get out! What the hell are you doing in here?"

"Hum, waking up a) the monster of loch Ness or b) King Kong? No, wait, I got it it's c): what is klutzilla!!"

"Out of here, now! Or I swear I'll tell the cheerleading squad you learned to kiss with the help of a certain teddy-bear currently being used by Edwin!"

"Ya ain't no fun, Case!"

With that he left my room, shutting the door behind him and leaving me trying to suppress the memory of how I learned about the teddy-bear tradition. Ugh, great, I did remember. Thanks a lot, brain.

Okay, I guess I really should stand up now and change.

No skirt today, it's growing really cold really fast. My dark blue jeans and my red pullover should make a good combination.

Now to conquer the bathroom and wash, comb and clean.

I hear the shower and sigh, it can only be Derek since Edwin, Marti and Lizzy don't shower in the mornings and Mom and George have their own bathroom.

I knock on the door and call: "Derek, hurry up or I'll be late for school!"

"Oh the princess is in a hurry, of course me being your loyal servant I'll obey your command immediately."

Shocked, I hear him turn out the shower, and next thing you know I see him step out of the bathroom with only a towel around his waist wearing that cocky smile I hate passionately.

"The bathroom is all yours, milady."

"That's your highness to you, and where are your clothes?!"

"Like what you see?"

"Ugh, Der-ek!"

Laughing, he walked into his room, hopefully to dress himself. I mean I must admit that he doesn't look bad, at all, but it's still annoying how well he knows it himself.

Entering the bathroom I see why he went out so fast: it is drowned in steam and the towels are scattered everywhere. He is so going to clean this mess!

Just when I'm going to get him, I stop myself. The feelings I had this morning are back! I sigh and let it pass through my body, rather quickly but oh well. The steam of Derek's morning bath must have made me sleepy and made me thus remember. Maybe I should stay here a while longer…

_Later…_

"Damn dream, damn feelings, now I'm really late for school!"

I was racing down the hall to come to a screeching halt before my classroom. I opened the door to bump into the person that had entered just before me: dear lovely Derek!

My lucky star must be hiding behind a really large cloud today.

"Hey Casey, if you wanted to touch me so desperately, you could have just told me so!"

Did he just say that in front of the whole class? Oh I am gonna kill him very dead!

"Spare your dumb comments for your bimbos, but don't think you can impress _me_!

"Derek! Casey! Please take a seat and shut up so I can begin with this class, or do you want to go to the principal, again?"

"No, sir. I'm very sorry."

I turned around to walk to my seat and only then did I remark all the staring and chuckling classmates, whispering to each other. I looked up to Derek to shoot him a glaring look, but I stopped when I saw a look in his eyes resembling…could it really be…hurt?

But soon enough it was replaced by his usual "cool" look.

I must have just imagined it, since when did Derek actually listen or care about what I say?

Sitting down on my seat I can't shake off the feeling of guilt. Really hurting Derek, imagined or not, makes me feel slightly guilty despite the fact that I meant what I said.

Sighing I close my eyes. If it hadn't been for that dream none of this would have happened. What started out as a very good thing has turned out to be a nuisance after all.

I turn around to apologize to him, but what I see makes me change my mind quickly.

My dear stepbrother is flirting with one of the cheerleaders unashamedly in the midst of a class! When he sees me staring at them he winks at me and goes on flirting as if nothing happened.

Even if I would normally hiss at him and tell him to stop disturbing the class, I don't do it this time. Why? Because my heart actually made this flip thingy like when I'm in love when he winked at me. Great, now my dream is following me to school, just great!

Well, actually it really is…

_Later…_

As I sit down in the cafeteria to eat lunch, Emily joins me.

"Oh my god Casey, I can't believe you got kicked out of class twice this morning!"

"I can't believe it either. The first and second time in my life that I actually don't pay attention I get caught on it! Oh my god I totally ruined my reputation, my curriculum vitae, my life! What college would want to take someone who got kicked out of class?"

"Relax Casey; it's normal to get kicked out of class someday during school."

"Yeah, but I'm not normal!"

Of course Derek has to pass exactly on that moment and hear my rather loud statement. Now he's gonna make fun of me, yep, here it comes…

"We know, but I'm glad you finally admit it to yourself. But… don't ever change.

"So you can continue making fun of me forever and ever and ever and ever…"

"You know me!"

"Ugh, just go away, I'm trying to eat."

Waving me good-bye, Derek actually left without insulting me any more. Funny. When he said that I should never change I felt my stomach be invaded by a swarm of butterfl… uhm insects. This is weird…

"What was that all about?"

"What was what all about?"

"You and Derek. You didn't start your 10-minute lunch-fight like always. Are you getting along better?"

"No, he's still a narcissistic pest, but I guess the whole fighting thing is getting boring."

"Sooo mature."

"Well at least…"

Just then Sheldon came to sit beside Emily.

"Hello Ebony-locks how are you doing today?"

At his, uhm, endearing pet-name both Emily and me rolled our eyes, Sheldon could not be more of a dork. And yet I felt a pang of jealousy, not because of Sheldon, god no, but for their relationship. Sheldon wouldn't stop showing his love for her and she was, sometimes I think literally, blind from love. Watching them banter lovingly I wonder who might have been the Someone in my dream to awaken such strong feelings in me. Hopefully I would get to dream about him again this night.

"What are you thinking about, Space Case?"

Ugh, I must have spaced out a little…

"Certainly not about you, Smerek! Now leave, I was reliving such a beautiful memory."

"About you rolling down the stairs like a bowling ball and …"

"Shut up! If you must know I was thinking about the man of my dreams, not that it is any of your business!"

I suddenly hear people giggling and some starting to laugh. Did I just yell that I was thinking about the man of my dreams in the middle of the cafeteria? Oh dear…

_Later…_

Finally, the school clock indicates that the last class is over. After every single student of this school teased me about _fantasizing_, when I clearly said _thinking_, about _the man of my dreams_ I'm dying to get out of here. This is all Derek's fault! If he hadn't made me so angry none of this would have happened!

Speaking of him, he hasn't yet made fun of me about the cafeteria incident. I guess I should prepare myself for when I get home.

Emily and I have decided to walk home together since I don't want people to make fun of me in the school bus too.

"So I guess that's why you got kicked out of class today."

"What do you mean?"

"You spaced out thinking about your man of your dreams." Emily couldn't help but giggle, I guess it is really a silly thing to do.

"Well yeah. You know, I had this dream last night where I met him. I don't remember the details, I just remember never feeling better or more loved and happy than in that dream I had."

"If it is any comfort to you, I've had that dream too, only now that I've found Sheldon he is the one who appears in it. You really don't remember him?"

"No and it's driving me crazy. Maybe the dream will repeat itself tonight. This time I will make sure to remember it."

We've arrived now at her house. We say good-bye to each other and I walk to my own house.

Silently I open the door and slip into my home. I'll try to avoid my family's questions as long as possible, I'm sure Derek already told them about Klutzilla's latest striking.

Since I don't hear any sounds coming from the kitchen I sneak into it to get me something to drink. What's this on the table? It's a note from Mom:

_Dear Casey and Derek,_

_George and I went to shop with the kids. We'll be back around 6, please behave and don't kill each other or destroy the house while we're gone._

_Love, Nora._

As if Derek and I were little children who need to be told to behave themselves! Well, then again I guess we do make each other so angry that we forget that we are supposed to be nearly adults.

I choose a bottle of water to take it up to my room. Ok, now for mission "getting-to-my-room-while-dodging-Derek".

Level 1, the stairs. I slowly climb the stairs up trying not to let any of the steps crack treacherously. As I reach the top of it I sigh contented about my first victory.

Level 2, the corridor. As silently as possible I sneak through it reaching my door without actually bumping into Derek!

Ha, I managed to…

Game Over

"Derek what are you doing in my room?"

"I came here to fulfil my ultimate goal in life: making fun of you"

Weird, he said that in such a sarcastic voice that I actually think it may not be true…

"Snap out of it!" he said rather angrily. "Who is that guy you're constantly thinking about anyway?"

"Nobody. It was a freaking dream, why are you so upset about it anyway?"

"Because you look so damn cut… ehem stupid when you drift away thinking about a guy who doesn't even exist!"

"And what's that to you? You love to make fun of me, why should it bother you if I look stupid?"

"Because you're supposed to look stupid because of me!"

With those words he blushes furiously and storms out of my room.

What was that all about?

He seemed to really care about who I'm dreaming and thinking about. He couldn't be…jealous, could he?

Ugh, I really need some sleep. I must be delusional to think that Derek could like me that way. I think I'm going to take a nap now. This day really cannot possibly turn out any worse.

_Huh? Where am I? The mist suddenly clears in front of me and I see a person, a male one by the looks of it, walking towards me. My heart starts to beat faster. I focus all my strength on not getting sweaty hands. I cast my eyes down; I don't want my boyfriend to see me red as a tomato. When I finally gather the courage and confidence to look him in the eyes I nervously look up and see…darkness. My boyfriend is covering my eyes with his hands!_

"_What are you doing?"_

_He laughs and the sound of it makes my heart do several somersaults, backwards nonetheless. _

"_You are not ready to acknowledge your own feelings, dear Casey."_

"_You are my boyfriend, if I wasn't ready to…Wait, I have no boyfriend! What…?"_

_Suddenly I get it. This is a dream. Dying to know who the man of my dreams is I pry his hands away from my eyes and look into the smirking face of…Derek?!_

"_I told you, you weren't ready."_

That's the moment where I wake up. My whole body is shaking and my mind is reeling from the overload of information send to it. To tranquilize myself I sit up and take a huge gulp from my water bottle.

Okay, I need to analyze this correctly, I must have gotten something wrong: Last night I had a dream about a man who made me feel more in love and loved than anything or anyone else in my life. Now, during this stupid nap I had the same dream, the same feelings and discovered who this man is: Derek. Derek is the man from my dreams!!

Okay, this was just a stupid dream, no need to panic, it's not like my heart makes a flip-flop every time I think about him smiling at me, in fact, I'll try it out just now.

Great! My heart doesn't make a flip-flop, it makes freaking two!

Crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap, crap!

How could I ever think that this day could not possibly get any worse?

I'm sooo screwed.

A/N: Okay, so I really only wanted this to be a one-shot, but it sort of doesn't feel right without some real Dasey. Please review and tell me if I should continue with this fic.

P.S: Chech out the poll on my profile page!


	2. Chapter 2

Disclaimer: I don't own LWD!

A/N: Hello everyone! Thanks for all the wonderful reviews! I'm now definitely writing at least 2 more chapters, I'm really having fun with this story. Please R&R to tell me how you liked this chapter!

_These Feelings I Have_

So now I'm sitting on my bed practically hyperventilating. You want to know why? Well, be warned it involves illegal feelings. Why do these things always happen to me? Why do I always fall for the wrong guy? But seriously, I can't be in love with my stepbrother, that's incest! Okay, I definitely need a paper bag to breathe into or I'm going to faint, throw up or start to cry!

As I search for my emergency supply of paper bags I hear loud music coming from Derek's room and that's the moment when it hits me: he and I are all alone at home!

I finally find a paper bag and breathe into it until I calm down a little. I can't help to chuckle sadly: even in my dreams Derek is an insufferable know-it-all. He is right, I'm not ready to acknowledge my feelings, in fact, I'm nowhere near it. Hell, I can't even get my heart to beat normally when thinking that nothing separates me from him than one wall. Of course that could also be caused by the, ugh, feelings I have for him rather than by my reluctance to acknowledge them… But wait a minute, it couldn't be that when…?

Okay, I need to get over the facts one more time: The first time I "spaced out" yesterday was when I went into the bathroom right after seeing Derek. I can remember smelling his shampoo in there and then it happened. The second time it happened was when he winked at me in class. And all the times after that it happened right after meeting or talking to him.

I slam my head against the headboard of my bed: how could I be so stupid not to remark the timing's of my spacing out?! Ugh, I'm so pathetic, how is it possible to be so blind and not…

Oh no. Derek has turned off the music. I can hear him opening his door and walking towards my room. He just stopped! In front of my room! No, no, no, noooo! This can't be happening; I can't meet him yet, let alone talk to him. He's opening my door, what am I going to do? I hurriedly wipe my eyes from the tears, he can't know about this, never ever shall he know what a sick person I am. Time to face him:

"Casey, I'm going over to Smelly Nellie's to eat lunch with Sam, tell dad and Nora. Bye."

Without letting me reply anything, let alone come up with an actual intelligent sentence he storms out of my room, down the stairs and out of the house. God, how ridiculous am I? It's not like he is telepathic and knows what I think about him. Ok, I really need help, someone needs to tell me what to do. I can't talk about this to my family, neither can Emily nor Sam…of course, Paul! As a counsellor he is bound to counsellor-patient confidentiality. I just need to get through this one day, which is rather just one night, and then he'll be able to tell me what to do! Finally a ray of hope in my otherwise pitch-dark hopeless…

I hear a car parking in front of the house. My family must have finished shopping. At least they'll keep me occupied with other things than Derek.

"Casey, Derek we're back!"

I get out of my room and down the stairs, answering: "Hi Mom! Derek went out to eat with Sam at Smelly Nellie's. How was shopping?"

"If you don't count Marti's constant complaint's about having enough clothes, Lizzie's reluctance to buy anything not being fair-trade and Edwin's conviction that if he buys undersized clothes he'll look taller, if you really can see past all those points plus George bickering about every choice I made about anything, then the trip was lovely."

I see Mom sigh deeply and let herself fall on the couch and let the shopping bags drop to the floor.

"Come on Nora, I wasn't that bad. Besides, why does Marti need pants as well as a skirt? And Edwin should have bought the tight black shirt, the kid needs all the help he needs showing off his muscles! And Lizzie could have worn her old karate clothes a while longer, they are only a little tight after all!"

"George we've been over this before! Lizzie can't train right if her clothes restrain her movements; Marti is growing so fast that I fear she'll need a whole new set of clothes by the end of this month and Edwin…

I let my Mom and George discuss alone and move over to where Lizzie and Edwin are unpacking their new clothes.

"Hey guys! You satisfied with your shopping?"

"Hardly! Mom and George wouldn't let me buy fair-trade clothes! They said they were too expensive, as if all the poor people who have to work day and night to produce clothes for all those popular stores…"

"Oh shut up Lizzie! You're only jealous because I got the better clothes. With these clothes I'll finally be known as Edwin: the coolest guy in school!"

"Yeah, keep dreaming. How was your day Casey?"

"Oh well, like always." Except that I found out I like our stepbrother.

"Okay, do you want to see my new clothes?"

"I'd love to."

Just then Marti jumped on my back and whined:

"But I want to show Casey my new clothes too!"

"It's okay Marti! Why don't we have a fashion show, you could join us too, Edwin."

"You have no chance against me, but I'll gladly show you what true beauty means!"

I tell my younger siblings to hurry up to their rooms and get prepared for our little competition. At least like that George and Nora will finally have a little peace and time to themselves while my mind will be occupied just like I wanted to.

"Thank you for taking care of your younger sisters and brother, Casey. I really don't know what I'd do without you!"

"No problem Mom, you and George should go to sleep, you've had an exhausting afternoon and I just had a nap, I'll take care of them and bring Marti to bed."

"Thanks Casey, sleep well."

"Yeah, have sweet dreams, darling."

Oh, please no. No more dreams.

"You too!"

After saying that, I left the living room and went to my room to make preparations for our little fashion show. Hmmm, what music should I pick?

_Later…_

"And the winner of the ultimate McDonald-Venturi fashion shows iiiiiis…Marti Venturi!"

Edwin and Lizzie grudgingly applauded Marti while she performed a victory dance on my bed. She was wearing her fairy-dress, in which she looked really cute.

In spite of my nap earlier in the evening, I'm exhausted now. Edwin, Lizzie and Marti had wanted to wear every piece of clothing in their wardrobes, calling me every time to inspect them. I'm surprised I didn't walk a hole in the floor.

"Okay guys, it's time to go to bed now. Come on Marti, I'll help you change."

"Ok, good-night Casey"

"Night 'Sis!"

"I don't wanna change, fairy princesses don't sleep in pyjamas they always wear their dress!"

"Yes, but they have magical dresses which don't get crinkled. Your dress will have crinkles everywhere if you wear it while sleeping. And isn't your pyjama much more comfortable?"

"Okay, I will put them on. But only if you tell me a story so I can sleep!"

"Fine, now hurry up!"

While Marti changed, I wondered which story I should tell her. Hmm, she already knew most fairytales by heart…oh, I have an idea!

Soon enough Marti lay in her bed waiting for me to begin telling my story.

"So, have you ever heard of Shrek?"

"The one from the movie? Mom and Dad let me see it but I can't really remember. I want to hear the story again!"

"Well, I'm now telling you his story. Shrek was an ugly green ogre. He lived in a messy swamp and wore dirty clothes. He enjoyed making fun of others and heard loud music in his house."

"Just like Derek!"

"Ohm well, a little. Anyway, where was I? There also existed a princess. She was trapped in a castle, in the highest tower. A dragon watched her day and night. The princess, named Fiona, was beautiful. She liked to sing and dance and she always dreamed of her "prince charming" who would one day come to save her."

"Just like you! Can we rename Shrek and Fiona "Derek and Casey"?

"What? But Marti! Derek and I are stepsiblings; it wouldn't work in the story!"

"You are my sister, but to Derek you have never been, why can't he be the Shrek to your princess Fiona?"

If I didn't know that Marti hadn't seen the movie for a long time I would think that she was tormenting me on purpose to make me admit that I like Derek. If only I knew how cunning Marti had become…

"Okay, we can name them as you like."

"Yeah! Will Derek and Casey marry at the end?"

I wish I knew… I sighed deeply and prepared myself for a long night.

_Later…_

"…and Derek and Casey lived happily ever after in the swamp, accompanied by their loyal donkey Edwin, the dragon Lizzie and pussycat Marti."

I look up to Marti and see that she fell asleep sometime while I was telling her the "McDonald-Venturi"-version of Shrek.

I decided to lay a while at her side and enjoy the feeling "Derek" and "Casey's" marriage had given me.

I don't know how long I have been dozing on Marti's bed when I suddenly heard footsteps outside her door. Derek must have come back! I really don't want to confront him now!

Oh no, he's coming in to say good-night to Marti, what should I do? Ok, calm down, I'll just pretend that I'm asleep as well, hopefully he won't see right through it.

With my eyes closed I can only hear him. He opens the door and walks towards the bed only to stop on his tracks. He must have seen me now. Ok, this is no time to be nervous; I need to lay as still as possible. I hear him coming towards the bed and whisper good-night to Marti.

But instead of leaving, he stays where he is. What is he waiting for? If I could only open my eyes!

Suddenly I feel his breath on my right cheek. What is he doing? I hear him whisper something. Something that sounds dangerously like:

"Sleep well, Casey."

Okay, I really need to stop hallucinating. Wait, what is happening? What…?

I feel something soft on my lips. A marshmallow? No, it wouldn't taste of pizza and coke. Wait, the only one who ate pizza for dinner was…

Oh.My.God. He kissed me! Derek just kissed me! On the lips! With his lips!

I fight hard against my instinct to immediately open my eyes. Instead I wait until he leaves the room. I put my fingers on my lips which are burning as if a fire had been ignited within them. I can still feel his lips on mine .By now my eyes are wide open in shock and my brain is slowly trying to process _it._ And though I know exactly what happened all I can think of is:

What just happened?

A/N: So how did you like it? The next chapter will be about Casey's counselling visit with Paul, poor guy…

P.S.: Check out the poll on my profile page!


	3. Chapter 3

Disclaimer: I don't own LWD

A/N: Hello everyone! I'm so sorry it took me so long to update, but life and writers block and a very absent muse have been interfering a lot in the last month…and I really wanted to make this chapter right, so I deleted it at least 3 times before I was more or less happy. Anyway, thanks for all the wonderful reviews and here you go with chapter three, version 4:

_These Feelings I Have_

I slowly get up from where I have been laying on my stepsisters bed. I get to her door on my tip-toes, like in trance. I finally manage to reach my room. And as soon as I enter and close the door…my head explodes. Not literally, I would look ridiculous. But it certainly feels as if it actually happened. Wanna know why? Because my thoughts are running amok in my head.

I'm excited, shocked, pleased, disgusted and utterly confused, all at the same time. Excited because Derek kissed me, meaning he may have feelings for me! Shocked because I never thought he could even like me. Pleased, well for obvious reasons, and disgusted because I know I should feel that way about it, he's my stepbrother for crying out loud!

Confusion is more of a summary of all the thoughts, and it makes me so exhausted, so absolutely exhausted, I just want to sleep and forget about this for today.

But when have I ever been able to just suppress what I'm feeling? Don't answer that question.

So I toss and turn in my bed, thinking:

How many kids would we have? I hate him! Should I have kissed back? I love him! How are we going to explain this to our parents? Did my breath stink? Should we buy a house with a white or green picket fence? Am I going nuts?

I'm seriously considering waking up Derek and asking him about the kiss immediately, I don't care if it's the middle of the night and that I'm reeeeally tired…

_Later…_

Slowly I wake up, after having slept for only 10 minutes. It should be a grey melancholic day, it should rain and storm, but in contrast to my gloomy situation, the sun is shining bright, there are no clouds to be seen and I can hear birds singing. Ugh, the weather must have plotted to make me feel like the only sad lovesick teenager in the world. I hide under my pillow and wonder if every morning will be like this…what time is it anyway?

I sneak a quick look from under my pillow at the alarm clock. It's 7.30. Whaaaaat??

I have to be in school in half an hour! I'm sure I did turn on the alarm…

"Ahhhhh"!!

When I opened my wardrobe to pick out my clothes, a huge avalanche of stuffed animals fell on me, this all screams of…

"De-rek!!"

Only when I hear his footsteps approach my bedroom I realize what I just did: I just called my stepbrother, who I have a recently discovered crush on, while I'm still dressed in my pyjamas, not having combed my hair and probably with terrible morning-breath! Why me, o dear lord, why me?

"Morning Case! You know, you remind me of a banshee more and more: same shrill voice, messy hair and weird outfit.", he says, while letting his eyes wander over my body with that cocky grin I'd like to kiss…uhm, wipe from his face. I can't help to blush, though I'm not sure if because of anger, embarrassment or something else. His grin widens when he sees my face become red as a tomato, and I grab the next best thing to throw at him: Marti's purple elephant. He dodges it, and the red snake, the blue teddy and the green bunny I throw at him.

"Wahahaha! Casey, your pointing sucks! You're sooo slow!"

I'm getting really angry, I'm late, Derek is making fun of me and I'm frustrated about the situation I'm in, so before I can help it words I should not say slip from my mouth:

"At least I'm not a childish idiot who enjoys wasting her time playing pranks on her siblings and flirting with worthless bimbos instead of studying to get good grades and therefore be able to attend a good college! If you continue like this you'll never get into college and you'll be flunking this grade! And when you'll come begging to me to lend you money once you become a stinking beggar no one bothers to even look at and let alone go out with, then we'll see who is slow!"

Before I even finish yelling at him I realize that I went too far this time. Derek pales. I see him gritting his teeth and flexing his muscles, and his eyes are cold and filled with something resembling hate. My breath hitches and when he rises his right arm I close my eyes and lift my own arms to protect myself, because for one second, one frightening and silly second, I believe he's actually going to hit me.

"C-Casey? Do you re-really believe I would hit you?!"

I open my eyes and the sight before me nearly breaks my heart: Derek is standing frozen to the spot he's standing on, his eyes are filled with horror and his body is shaking. I instinctively do the first thing that pops into my head: I step forward and hug him, fully knowing about his no-hugging policy.

At first he tenses, but then I feel him relax and slowly put his arms around me. I feel happiness flow through me, my heart pounds wildly in my chest, and, oh my god, is that his breath I can feel on my neck?! I allow myself to linger in the embrace exactly 7 seconds, I counted, and then I finally give in to the panicking feeling that has been growing within me: I push Derek away from me and out of my room, yelling:

"Get out of my room! Don't you realize I still need to get dressed and that we are both already late for school?!"

Before I close my door, I see him grinning at me and I could swear my heart just skipped a beat. Damn, this guy is going to be the death of me!

_Later…_

I don't know how I was able to get to school in time, but I did it. Derek has been wearing that stupid grin on his face all morning, and though I feel flattered it is also slightly unnerving. And everybody seems to find something about me absolutely hilarious, because every student that looks at begins to grin too.

So when I'm finally heading to Paul's office my nerves are already blank. I yank the door open and storm into his office screaming:

"Paul! I'm so glad to be finally able to talk to you! This is a code blue! You see, I had this dream, and the man in it was Derek, and then Shrek and Fiona impersonated Derek and me and Marti said we weren't real siblings and there was the kiss, the hug and the wardrobe and…!"

Before I could finish listing my problems of the last 24 hours, or so, Paul interrupted me saying:

"Casey, calm down. Take a seat and take a deep breath. Good, now tell me the whole story again, without ranting."

"Well…I …it's complicated, and embarrassing. Look, it all sums up to me, uhm, realizing that I'm, and I can't believe I'm actually saying this, in love with Derek."

As soon as I utter the last 3 words, Paul begins coughing, hard. I think he is choking on his own spit, gross.

"Uhm, Paul, would you please concentrate?"

He mumbles something about demanding a raise and then says:

"Okay, I see why you're upset, so what are you going to do?"

"Well, nothing, obviously."

"I'm confused; do you believe your feelings are going to vanish just like that?"

"You're always confused, but I don't blame you, it's me. Paul, these feelings I have, I can't act on them…they are incestuous. I'm a sick person, a weirdo, but at least Derek is one too."

"What do you mean he's one too?"

"Well, last night he kissed me while I was pretending to be asleep, so I guess he must like me in some way too…but maybe he knew I was asleep and just decided to play a prank on me…ugh, you have to tell me what to do!!"

"Casey, listen to me. Have you ever seen Derek in diapers, have you been bathed together, shared a crib, played together with your puppets or his miniature cars? Did you grow up together as siblings or have you ever considered a part of you family like your stepdad and Edwin and your biological relatives? Has he really ever been your brother?"

"Well, I guess not, but what would the others say? Amy, Kendra, Noel, Sam, or even Emily, oh my god Emily!"

"No offense Casey, but teenagers are stupid, at least most of them. Your true friends will understand and the rest, well, it's up to you to decide how much their opinions should influence your life."

"But what about Nora, George, Lizzie, Edwin and Marti?"

"You told me that Marti was actually hoping that you and Derek would hook up. And the rest of your family, if all you have told me about them is true, and I feel I know them better than my own by now, then they will accept it, because they'll want to see you happy."

"But Paul, they will…"

"Casey, is this really about them or more about the fact that _you _are scared out of your mind about this?"

"You're right. So what shall I do?"

"You should know the deal by now, what you do is up to you and you alone."

"Can't you make an exception?"

Paul chuckles and lets out a sigh.

"It's your life, Casey. I can't give you a perfectly worked out plan. I know that it seems impossible right now, but everything will work out just fine, I promise."

"You do?"

"Yeah, and now go, and don't forget to update me on your relationship with Derek, whatever it will turn out to be."

"I will, thanks Paul."

"No problem."

I leave Paul's office feeling somewhat relieved. As I close the door I think I hear him utter something about needing a vacation, poor Paul; I wonder which student has been loading him with all his problems?

As I walk through the now empty and quiet corridors of the school, I try to decide whether to give a relationship with Derek a shot or not. If it would go wrong the tension in our family would rise to the immeasurable, but does a very famous phrase not say that it is better to have love and lost than not have loved at all?

When I turn around a corner towards the exit, I bump into a person wearing a leather jacket…

"Derek? What are you still doing here?"

"Oh, hi Casey! I was going to go home, but you see, Kendra is waiting at the car for me, and I'm not exactly thrilled about her stalking me. I mean does that girl never give up, or what? On the other hand, who can blame her for wanting me, I mean I'm not only the best looking and coolest guy in school but also the best kisser."

"Yeah, sure. So you big chicken waited for me to finish talking to Paul to hold your hand so the big girl will not harm you while you hide behind me?"

"Actually I was hoping for some hot chick to make out with and so make Kendra believe I already have a girlfriend."

"Yeah, well I guess your plan is not going to work out, I'm the last one still here and this chick is so not going to be kissed by you. I will distract her so you'll be able to slip past her, but no kissing."

"Fine by me, let's go, I'm starving."

We walk out of the school. When Kendra sees us she starts waving and walking towards us. I prepare myself to distract her when Derek suddenly pulls me towards him. I look up to him and see his trade-mark grin appear on his face. It has never been a good sign for me, until now.

Because when Derek leans down and caresses my lips with the most beautiful kiss I've ever experienced and I close my eyes trying not to be overwhelmed by the intensity of it, all I can think of is: God bless reverse psychology.

A/N: Sooooo, what do you think? Hate it? Love it? Please review!


	4. Chapter 4

Disclaimer: I don't own LWD!

A/N: Hello everyone! So as you may or may not have noticed, I changed the title of this story. I wasn't quite fond of the old one (These Feelings I Have). A reader pointed out that the name wasn't really good, too. So while watching an old TV-Show (Guess which?), I was inspired and decided to change the name to "I Dream of Derek". Hope you like it, please read and review!

_I Dream of Derek_

So here I am, standing on my high school's parking lot, being kissed by my stepbrother. There is a soft breeze playing with the red and golden leaves of autumn, Kendra's mouth is gradually dropping open, Derek and I let go of our school bags simultaneously, not that I really notice though. I feel his lips, a tingling in my toes, I…I can feel my heart racing; his right hand caresses my hair, in a soft, hesitant way. And it is beautiful.

But when I start to kiss him back, I can feel his lips forming that little cocky smirk of his. And, yeah, I am in love with him, but I still hate that smirk. The smirk that Derek uses to tell girls he has conquered them because he's just soo irresistible. I'm not going to be like one of his bimbos who would do anything to just get him to look their way, I am Casey MacDonald, and dear Derek needs to know that I can play this game too.

So I push him away and say:

"Come on Derek, there's no need to try to make Kendra jealous by kissing me, I'm sure she'll take you back if you just ask her nicely."

His stupid smirk vanishes at first to make room for a look of surprise, but when I finish talking he looks positively panicked.

"Aw, Derek is that true? You were trying to make me jealous? That's soo sweet! But Casey is right; I'd take you back if you just asked me."

"No, no, no, no! This is a misunderstanding. Casey, tell her!"

"Since when are you too shy to tell a girl you like her? Kendra must be someone special for you. Why don't you let Kendra drive you home? You can talk about your, uhm, feelings on the way."

Before he's able to reply I snatch the car keys away from him and leave him standing with an overjoyed Kendra. By the way he's now glaring at me I guess I would be dead if looks could kill. As it is, I'm dying of laughter about it.

On the ride home, I wonder where this whole situation with Derek is going to lead. We are not exactly a perfect match. There have been rare occasions where we've been nice to each other, but we couldn't be more different people; we constantly fight and mock each other to the point where someone of us gets really hurt.

As I park the car in the garage, I see Emily enter her house. Oh god, Emily. She's had a crush on Derek since forever, how am I going to explain this, whatever this is, to her?! Damn it, she's my best friend, if it hadn't been for her I don't know how I would have survived all the changes my life with Derek brought upon me. I can't loose her! If she freaks out about this I…I won't be able to get through with it. Oh my god she's coming over here! Why me? Okay, Casey, time to calm down and look cool and not like someone in love with Derek. Breathing in and out, nice and deep…who the hell am I kidding?! I'm the worst liar in this whole wide world she'll see right through me, I'm screwed, sooo…

"Hey Casey, just wanted to ask if you know if we have any homework in mathematics, I didn't…"

"Emily, I'm so sorry for this, but I didn't really want it and you'll hate me now, I understand. I just want you to know that…"

"Whoa! Casey, I just asked about homework, there's no need to have a fit about it."

"You don't understand, I, how do I say this, I …uhm, oh god!"

"Okay, before you tell me anything, just calm down. I'm not going to bite your head off about homework."

I try to follow the advice I couldn't take from myself and start to calm down. I even manage to form a weak smile, amused by how naïve my best friend can be at some times. I've been known to freak over homework, but seriously, I'm not _that_ much of a grade grubber.

"Emily, this is obviously not about homework."

"Well, then what is it about?"

"Let's go to your place, this is going to take some time."

"We're just standing in front of your house can't we go to your room?"

"At my house the walls have grown ears, at yours the walls are nothing but walls, let's go!"

Before Emily responds, I grab her hand and pull her towards her house, pass through her living room and stop once we've arrived in her room, in safety from overhearing siblings. Okay, here goes nothing:

"I...uhm…just…like…this is impossible…ok…"

Damn, this is infuriating, when did I regress into a stammering, mumbling coward?

"Oh, come on Casey! It's not like you are going to confess to me that you have fallen in love with your annoying, narcissistic, egocentric stepbrother!"

Really, what were the odds of her using exactly that example? My life is not a TV Show, there aren't any crazy writers ruling our every move and making me go through all this madness. Because if they were…

"You did not, right?"

I guess that the look I gave her said more than any words I could have used. At first she just stares at me, without saying or doing anything. Then she drops her head and her shoulders begin to shake. Horrified, I hear little sighs escape her, oh my god, I was right, she really still has a crush on Derek and now I've ruined our friendship.

"Emily, I'm really sorry, please let's talk about this…"

"Wuahahahahaha! I can't believe it! After all your ranting, your sibling wars, your bickering…hahahaha…this is priceless, this really is irony of fate…WAHAHAHAHAHA… can't.stop.laughing! Hahahaha…"

Ooookay, that was so not the reaction I was expecting, but at least she's not heartbroken about it.

"Hahahahahahahahahaha!"

Watching Emily bend over from laughter and actually fall off her chair, I begin to get just the tiniest bit annoyed. She could really be a little bit more considerate, this whole situation is no piece of cake.

"Emily! This is so not funny! This is like DEFCON 1, I'm glad you're taking it so well, but would you please talk to me instead of laughing yourself into a coma!"

"I'm sorry, Casey, but this is like surreal. Wait a minute, how long have you had this crush?"

"Since yesterday, but I probably just realized it then, I think these feelings have been growing inside of me for a while now."

"So, your "dream" was about him, huh?"

"It was how it all started…"

And so I told her about everything that had happened in the last 2 days, and nights.

"Oh Casey, with you there really is not one boring, non-dramatic day, right? So, what are you going to do now?"

"I don't know… Derek has been sort of flirting with me, but I don't want, under any circumstances, to be another one of his so-called "conquests". If there's going to be something between us, I want it to last, I want to be someone special for him."

"You certainly are someone special to him already!"

"Emily, you're not helping! And there's also the stepsiblings issue, what will people say about it?!"

"I thought Paul had already talked to you about it and managed to relieve you from your doubts about that?"

"Have you met me?! Doubts occupy half of my life!"

"Cool it, Case, your family is like a clan, they won't let you get out of it. And if someone dares to hurt you, they'll eat their heads for breakfast."

"Maybe you're right. Thank you, Emily, this means a lot to me. Now I better get home before Mom bites my own head off for being late for dinner. Bye!"

Having said that, I leave Emily's house and head to my own. I am really relieved that Emily took the whole thing so well. With her help, everything will be a lot… Wait a minute, I didn't ask her how she thought about a relationship between Derek and me. Ugh, when did I turn into an oblivious fool?

Just when I'm about to walk back to my best friend's home, I hear someone yelling my name, and there's no mistaking about who is the voice's owner.

"What is it Derek?"

"Have you gone completely crazy?! What were you thinking when you left me, me, all alone with Kendra?! I had to fake a toothache, a headache and a freaking dizzy spell to let me get home and stop drooling all over me!"

After being able to stop laughing, I respond:

"Come on, Derek! Can't you handle a girl?"

"Kendra is not just a girl; she's the girliest most annoying and clingy girl I ever dated!"

"Hihihi, and so you fled from her? 'Derek, the coward', it has a nice ring to it, don't you think?"

"Yeah, Casey, just because you've been dumped yet again you don't have to ruin everyone else's lives too!"

"'Yet again'? You are the one who hasn't been able to stay in a relationship longer than it took _me_ to get my driving license!"

"So little miss perfect…"

And so it goes on from bad to worse. It's always been like that between us, why should it change now? But even though there's no difference in the fight, there's a difference in the way I feel about it. His words cut deeper, and I may be mistaken, but he also seems more affected by it than usual.

"Casey, will you concentrate? Or has this guy you have been dreaming about made you loose your head? Ha, you better forget about him too. 'Cause who would ever want to be with someone like you? You're neurotic, freaky, a keener, a smartass and a very bad cook, even in your dreams there will be no guy who will ever truly love you except…"

"Except who, Derek?"

There's a funny expression on his face, as if he was arguing with himself, but soon enough his ever-evil grin appears on his face and lets me know that I must prepare myself for the usual: the worst.

"Except a blind, dumb and masochistic idiot."

I know I should have seen this coming, I know he would not have let me get away without hurting me, but hearing those words from someone you love? That's just not right. So when I feel my eyes stinging, I can't fight the tears back and flee. I run into the house, slamming the door shut behind me; I run up the stairs and into my room, where I throw myself onto my bed and start crying for real.

This is so not fair, why do I always have to end up crying my eyes out? Why do we always have to fight? It's bad enough that I fell in love with my stepbrother, but why did I fall in love with somebody I cannot talk to without ending up fighting!? This whole situation just makes me soo tired, so damn tired…

_Huh, great. I'm here again. Even in my dreams Derek can't stop bugging me._

"_Hey, Casey!"_

"_What do you want Derek? Do you want to humiliate me again, have you followed me into my dreams to not let me forget how much you hate me?"_

"_Whoa there! It's your own subconscious making you have this dream, don't blame me!"_

"_I'm surprised you even know what the subconscious is. But that is not the point! How can you be my dream guy when all we do is fight?"_

"_Your heart determines who you fall in love with and not your head, reason has nothing to do with what you feel."_

"_Gee, thanks Dr. Phil! That just does so not help me! If you are so wise then tell me what to do."_

"_You know the reason, it's really simple. Just listen to me the next time we talk, you'll find out what's really bothering me."_

_After saying that, he disappears and I…_

…wake up. This is frustrating to say the least. What I really need now are my two best friends: Ben and Jerry.

So I walk down to the kitchen. When I open the fridge I hear footsteps coming into my direction. Taking the ice cream out, all I can hope is for the person not to be Derek.

I turn around only to have my hopes crushed.

"You know you are going to get fat if you keep eating that every time we fight."

"Not your business, go away."

"Why? This is not your kitchen. Or did you want to dream about your so-called dream-guy again? Well, you'll have to put up with me instead, princess."

If he knew that it's him I was actually dreaming about… I guess he's never going to stop teasing me about that. Although he seems to be rather upset about it, he doesn't smile like always, he actually looks serious. Wait. Could it be that he's really jealous? Every time we fought in the last days he brought up that subject. That's what my subconscious was trying to tell me!

"Oh shut up and grab a spoon, Derek."

He looks surprised when I say that, but not displeased. Grabbing a spoon he says:

"You know, it's not true."

"What?"

"That there's no person in the world who would ever want to be with you, uuuh…I know at least one."

"Apology accepted, now eat."

So we eat in silence. I wonder who he meant, who could b the one person he knows to want to be with me…

"Why did you say that to Kendra anyway?"

"Payback."

"For what?"

"You can't just kiss a girl and expect her to do nothing about it!"

"Oh really?"

He leans into me, but before he reaches me I shove my spoon into his mouth, feeding him with ice cream. Laughing he takes it out of his mouth and starts to tickle me to get me to surrender. I try to tickle him too, but he's too strong for me, so I make a run for it. As we run around in the kitchen, laughing and throwing little bits of ice cream at each other, I suddenly slip and fall. Before I hit the ground though, Derek catches me. One of his hands holds me firmly on my lower back, and the other one is softly holding my head, tangled in my hair.

"I got you."

His strong arms holding me, I can't escape, and I'm not really sure I want to. Inches before our lips meet both of us hear surprised gasps coming from the living room. We turn our heads around and see Edwin with his hands clasped over his mouth and Lizzy with her mouth wide open in shock. They must have seen the whole scene.

Ooops. This is not good.

A/N: Sorry it took so long to upload, I went to Milano for a few weeks and wasn't able to access a computer long enough to write anything...


	5. Chapter 5

Disclaimer: I _still_ don't own LWD!

A/N: Hey guys! Once more, thank you for all your wonderful reviews, they help me go on with this story! I thought, after making you wait so long for the last update, I must make it up to you by updating the next chapter much sooner. So, here you go and please read and review, let me know what you hated, what you loved, and what you would change!

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_I Dream of Derek_

We stand pretty much frozen to our respective spots in the kitchen, in the so very telling positions our siblings have found us. And they seem to have turned into human statues too. They eyes are big like saucers, and Edwin's mouth is open while Lizzie clasped her hands over her mouth.

Eventually, I pull away from Derek, glancing at him to try to read his thoughts. But he seems as confused as I am.

"Uhm, hi Lizzie! Hi Edwin! When did you get home? "

I stupendously fail to let my voice sound normal at my pathetic attempt to relieve the tension.

"Just 2 minutes ago. What were you two doing anyway?"

"Yeah, what were you doing? Because it looked as if you were having fu…fun with each other, right Lizzie?"

"Exactly, and that is just not possible. And if I'm not mistaken _you _were trying to kiss _her._"

"We were not having fun! And, I was not trying to kiss Spacey; in fact, she's the last person in the world I would ever voluntarily kiss! Ugh!"

Sure, that's why he has already kissed me twice and was trying to kiss me a third time. I have to make a real effort not to roll my eyes.

"Derek, Derek, Derek. Shouting and exaggeratedly denying something often tells of quite the opposite fact. Sooooo, I think you…

"Edwin! Make yourself useful and clean my room! Now, or I'll take you allowance for the next month for myself!"

Having said that, Derek chases Edwin into his room, thus leaving me alone with Lizzie.

"So, do you want to explain what that was all about?"

"Okay, but let's go into my room, I don't want any other people walking in on us."

We go to my room in silence. I'm trying to find a way to make Lizzie believe what she saw was nothing. On the other hand, she's my sister. I don't want her to find out about, well about _us_, from anyone but me. I guess I should tell her, I now only need to find the courage to actually do so.

"We are in your room now. What was, or rather _is_ going on between the two of you?"

"I think you need to sit down first. But Lizzie, please promise me not to flip out when I tell you, okay?"

"Oookay, now spill."

I breathe in deeply and begin to tell her my story.

_Later…_

"…and now I think I'm really in love with that insensible, egoistical and absolutely hot jerk of our stepbrother."

"You really know how to get yourself into a mess don't you? And please, please, don't call Derek hot, that's just wrong."

"Lizzie, with all the effort we have put into becoming a real family I don't want to ruin it all with a simple little crush. If you don't like it, please tell me so, I'll just forget all about it."

"Casey! That's not what I meant. Since the very first moment we saw Derek, I've been counting the days to the instant you realize that you could be the perfect couple! It's just that Derek is like a real brother to me… most of the time. That's why hearing somebody call him hot or something like that sort of sounds a little creepy to me. But you're my big sister, I want you to be happy, and if Derek is the guy you're going to have your happy ending with, he should better be prepared to have his ass kicked if he dares to hurt you."

I can't help my eyes filling with tears while hearing my little sister talk. The very moment she finishes, I hug her and say:

"Thank you Lizzie, that really means a lot to me."

"No problem, 'sis. Now please release me, can't…breathe…!"

"Oh, sorry."

"Thanks, I'm going to change now to go to karate training. Bye and good luck 'sis".

"Bye. And don't tell Edwin, he would tell Derek and that's the last thing I want right now. If he is to know I will be the one to tell me – after he has told me about his feelings first, of course."

"Right."

When Lizzie walks out of my room, I wonder what Derek is telling Edwin, or if he really is making his little brother clean his room. Maybe spying on them could give me a clue to how Derek feels about me…

I try to sneak out of my room without letting the door crack. But as soon as I open the door, I bump into…

"Derek?!"

"Klutzilla, watch out where you walk to, you don't want to bump into a wall."

"Hahahaha. Very funny. What were you doing at my door, anyway?"

He only grins in response. Oh no. He wouldn't have… he is Derek, of course he would spy on me. I'm going to kill him! And then hide under my bed never to come out again…huh? What's he doing?

He leans very closely to me, and while he's not much older than me, he is so much taller that he practically towers over me. My breath hitches, and I can't help but wonder when his oh so close presence started to have such a strong effect on me. I feel his breath tenderly caressing my hair, and I rather sense than see his right arm surround me to…open the door to my room?!

"I just need to borrow your stapler."

"What for?"

"To staple the English report we're due tomorrow."

"English report? Oh no, oh no, oh no! I completely forgot about it! What am I going to do?"

"You still have time, though I wonder what or who has got you so bothered not to remember homework."

And he says that with that spiteful cocky grin of his, walking out of my room and passing as close to me that I can't help but to shiver and blush at the feeling of his warmth…which only makes his grin spread wider.

"Derek, get out of my room so I can work!"

"I'm already out, your highness."

"Ugh!"

And with that last exclamation, I slam my door shut. But I don't fail to notice the missing stapler in his hands. Ha, he only wanted to see me to make me react to his presence like a lovesick silly girl. I could do the same to him, make him shiver and blush, but no more games. If this is going to go somewhere we both need to stop beating around the bush. I'm going to take his bush and long for the birds, even if it may cause this thing we already have going on to crush. People say that it is better to have a bird in the hand than two in the bush but since when have I belonged to the normal people? And this will not be a normal relationship either; it will be an extraordinary one. Maybe I should write a story about it: two stepsiblings falling in love and conquering all difficulties and eventually riding off into the sunset…

I just need to do my homework first or my English teacher will make me go to detention for the rest of high school, she hasn't yet forgotten the dog story.

_Later…_

Yawn! I'm really exhausted now. I've been working on my computer for 4 straight hours now, but I'm finally finished. I've even stapled my report.

Now all I need is something to eat before I go to sleep. Nora and George planned to go out on a date; I guess George is trying to make up for being such a pain in the you-know-where while shopping. So there won't be anybody cooking, but I think I saw some left-over pizza in the fridge. As I walk down the stairs heading towards the kitchen, I hear sounds coming from the living room: Derek is watching one his hockey games…while eating the last slice of pizza!

"Der-ek!"

"Shhh, the game is in its final minute!"

"And you just ate the last slice of pizza!"

"Whatever, just shut up!"

"Will you buy a new one for Edwin, Lizzie and me to eat?"

"Sure."

"You're a chunky monkey from funky town?"

"You're right, now silence please?"

"Der-ek, you're not listening to…"

I try to make him listen, but at the very same moment he begins to jump up and down, shouting at the screen:

"Come on, you only have 12 seconds to score…just ram him out of your way … faster…3…2…1…arrgh! Why do you have to let me down, why?!"

"Now that your game is over, would you go buy pizza?"

"Why would I do that?"

"Because you promised to."

"What? I haven't!"

"That you weren't really listening doesn't mean that you are freed from what you agreed to do."

"What else did I promise to do?"

Hmm, why shouldn't I have a little fun with this particular situation…?

"You promised never to make Edwin clean your room again, to give Lizzie daily hockey practice hours, to profess your undying love for Kendra…"

"Now wait a minute! I never did promise that, I wasn't really listening but that doesn't mean I wouldn't have noticed you saying something as ridiculous as that."

"Huh, really?"

"Casey! Do I look like a complete fool to you? Wait, don't answer that. Besides, I'm not in love with Ke-Kendra."

I must restrain myself from breaking out in loud laughter, I mean, really, he can't even say Kendra's name without shuddering?! Soon enough he will be calling her you-know-who.

"It's not funny! I don't like that girl, and much less love her. Actually, she would be the last human being on earth I would kiss; even you are a better choice!"

"Who are you in love with then?"

He becomes very silent. From the look on his face I can tell he is debating with himself whether to say the truth, a variation from it, nothing at all, or a lie. His hands clench and unclench again, his jaw settles only to be relaxed a few seconds afterwards. His body language shows me how immense the battle inside of him must be. I refrain from saying any witty remarks; I want to give him time. His answer will affect me as much as him, if not more. The answer I'm waiting to hear is obvious, but I still try to suppress my feelings, I ban eagerness and hope from my face, I keep my feelings hidden in my eyes, I refuse to let my hands start to play with my hair and over all, I make myself continue breathing rhythmically.

Finally, he seems to have come to a decision. He looks determined, and from the honest and slightly scared look in his eyes I know he's going to tell me the truth.

"Actually, and listen carefully because I'm only going to say this once, the girl I love is…"

At that very moment when I'm hoping to hear Derek profess his undying love for me (yeah, I am a sap and always will be), not a second earlier or later, the door opens and George and Nora walk in.

"Hi guys, did you have a nice evening?"

We were up until the moment you came and interrupted Derek from saying that he is love with me, always has and always will!

...Oooookay, why are mom and George watching me as if I had grown another head out of my shoulders?

Wait, I didn't say that last part, about Derek loving me, out loud, didn't I? No, I couldn't have, right? Right?!

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A/N: I ended this chapter with a little, very little, cliff-hanger; please don't hate me for it, please? ; )


	6. Chapter 6

Disclaimer: I don't own LWD!

A/N: ((watching out for angry readers and slowly climbing out of my hiding hole…)) Hello guys! It's been an eternity since I last updated, and I really want to apologize to you for that. The lack of any updates requires a good explanation, so here you go: 2 days after uploading the last chapter I got a letter from the University of Zurich…telling me that I got a place there to study medicine!! (Here in Switzerland you can study Medicine from the beginning, just after high school, unlike in the US. You don't have to study Chemistry or something else before Med-School) Even now I can barely believe that I'm a Med-Student! The first weeks have been really hard, since now I have to travel to another city to study and the courses are really hard. I'm finally getting used to things, so I found a little time to write a new chapter. I hope you'll enjoy it, and once again, I'm really sorry for keeping you waiting for so long! ((now climbing back into my hiding hole))

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_I Dream of Derek_

You know, when I was a child I used to close my eyes to hide myself from the world whenever I felt scared, threatened or just utterly pathetic and immensely humiliated. Well, even though I wouldn't exactly refer to me as a child anymore, my reaction to my "outburst" was pretty much the same, until…

"Casey, why do you have bits of ice cream in your hair?"

"What? I didn't just say that…never mind. Wait, what did you just say? I have ice-cream in my hair?!"

"Wahahahahahaha! You really didn't notice Case?"

"Derek! Why didn't you tell me? Oh, don't you dare to laugh at me, Der-ek!"

And with my usual battle-cry I storm behind him chasing him around the living room while he keeps laughing and my parents shake their heads resigned to the fact that their oldest children will always fight over petty things. I don't know if the alternative, of me actually saying of what I cried out in my head, would have been better. In a sort of short and painless way I would have let them know of what has been bugging me in the last few days. On the other side, why didn't anybody tell me about my hair? Lizzy must have seen it too!

"Kids! Please stop the silly fighting, you're almost adults now!"

"I didn't start it! Spacey here went berserk on me!"

"Oh just shut up, will you?"

And after yelling at him for the millionth time I run up to the bathroom to wash my hair. Under the shower I reflect on what just happened. Derek nearly confessed to me who he is in love with, and as soon as our parents walked in on us, he began acting like the ass he normally is again. On the other side, while we were eating and throwing around ice cream, we didn't say one insulting word to each other. And when we were arguing about dinner we also didn't call each other names or humiliate each other. Maybe there's actually a progress in our relationship. But if he acts nice when we are alone only and like an idiot in front of everyone else – will I be able to live with that? In all my other relationships one of the things I loved most was to be able to shout my love from the rooftops and to show everyone how happy I was. If a relationship with Derek would be a continuous struggle through fights, hiding places, excuses and lies, wouldn't it be better if I just forgot about it? Neither I nor he, as much as he has broken other people's hearts, deserve to be miserable. And it's not like we already have a relationship going, there's still time to pretend that I don't feel anything but a siblings' affection for him, or, well, rivalry as it is. We have kissed, and those kisses I will never forget because they both meant a lot to me. Waaah! Maybe I should just stop thinking and overanalyzing things! This whole situation is driving me crazy!

So I finish washing my hair and get into my pyjamas, ready to go to bed. When I step out of the bedroom, I nearly bump into Derek. Was he waiting for me to come out? I consider asking him, but I'm too exhausted and somewhat depressed to talk to him. So I just step around him, trying to get into my room.

"Why so sad?"

"Not your business."

"Come on, only you would make such a fuss over your hair."

"It's not the hair, ok? So stop asking and just go away, I don't want to talk or even see you now!"

"Hysterical much?"

I try to ignore him and close the door of my room behind me, but he follows me into my room, looking a little pissed off and if I'm not mistaken confused.

"We were actually getting along today, why the sudden change in your mood? Don't you like me anymore?"

While saying that, he pulls Marti's trademark puppy-dog-eyes act on me. Despite my bad mood, I can't suppress a chuckle escaping my lips, he does look cute…

"Never underestimate a Venturi's power to make the world laugh."

I grin and say: "Oh please, Edwin can't tell a funny joke to save his life."

"Well, he may not be able to get people to laugh with him, but certainly at him."

"Don't be mean to your little brother, when our parents get old you'll want them to live with him!"

"Yeah, there's no way they are moving in with us…uhm, I mean me…"

Interesting Freudian slip, he thinks we'll end up living together? But I decide not to rub it in his face after all he seems to be trying to lift my spirits up, which is really nice of him.

"Can you imagine Mom and George as old people? George will probably try to reunite his old band one more time, trying to imitate the Stones, while mom will be freaking out because, once again, he mistook her denture for his!"

"Looks like living with me has actually given you a sense of humour."

At this moment we both start to laugh, not at, but with each other for the first time since, ever! If somebody was watching us he would probably shake his or her head and mumble something about teenagers in love. And as far as I'm concerned it's pretty much true. These moments make me realize why I'm falling in love with a guy I used to be allergic to. God knows he is better than me at not meddling with other people's business. And yet he is not able to just ignore it if he sees that somebody he likes or even loves is in trouble or sad.

After standing there grinning at each other like idiots for half an eternity, I eventually say: "Well, good night Derek"

"Night' Casey, if you dream of me you'll have sweet dreams."

If only he knew…

Later…

"Casey, Casey wake up!"

"What?! Marti? What happened?"

"Nothing happened! Today is the day of my first school excursion; we're going to go to the museum to see the big dinosaurs! I wonder if there are any violet ones."

"That's great, but did you have to wake me up at 6 in the morning for that?"

A sleepy Edwin, with Lizzie right behind him, says: "You got lucky! She woke us up at 5.30, and Mom and Dad are up since 5! Derek's the only one still sleeping."

"Oooh! Come on everyone, we'll wake him up together!" says Marti while tugging at my sleeve to get me out of my warm and cuddly bed.

"Yeah, I'm not going to expose myself to Derek's morning-wrath, I want to live long enough to watch 3D-movies on regular television."

"Edwin, don't you realize that by then the earth will be a terrible mess due to pollution, global warming, the rise of the ocean's water-level and Britney Spears?"

All of us roll our eyes about Lizzie's pessimistic view of the future and eventually we all follow Marti into Derek's room as quietly as possible to wake him up.

As I watch his sleeping form, I nearly let a sigh escape my mouth. He looks so peaceful. His hair falls into his face in a way that makes me want to run my fingers through it. Until now I've never noticed that he sleeps with a smile on his face. Or maybe he's just having a good dream? Maybe he's been dreaming about me just like I've been dreaming about him? Nah, that's way too far-fetched…is it? Oh, Marti is giving us the signal to shout:

"De-rek!! Wake up! Marti is going on her first school-excursion!!"

"What? It's 6 in the morning! Get out of my room and let me sleep!"

"Sme-rek! You are such a girl! Or since when did guys start to need beauty sleeps?"

"That's it! Be prepared Smarti, I'm going to tickle you until you promise never to wake me up at such unholy hours again!"

And so he jumps out of his bed and chases after Marti. The poor girl has no chance to escape him. He starts tickling her while she laughs and screams:

"Help! Help! Will nobody help the princess to escape from the claws of the tickling monster?"

Laughing, Edwin and Lizzie go to help Marti and start tickling Derek.

"Whoa there! Three against one is not fair! Casey, help me!"

"No way, you deserve that!"

Laughing, I lean on the frame of his door and watch them try to tickle the life out of each other. Seeing this scene unfold is rather heart-warming. I think Derek could be a great father for our kids. Whoa! When did I begin to think of him as my future husband? I got to try not to stay with both my feet on the earth, I can't just go around thinking like that, or if we ever start to go out together he'll soon be running the hell away from me. The guy has enough commitment issues as it is, he shouldn't have to deal with my overzealousness too. Maybe if I loosened up a bit like he's always telling me to he'll be more attracted to me? It can't hurt to try, I guess.

Oh, Mom's calling: "Kids, breakfast is ready!"

You wouldn't believe how fast Lizzie, Edwin, Marti and Derek stop tickling each other and begin to run towards the kitchen! Still, Derek finds the time to smile at me and ask me if I had sweet dreams while winking at me. Jerk.

I follow them down to the kitchen and see…the unhealthiest breakfast in the world! Pizza, chocolate cake and coca-cola and fried eggs and bacon and left-over chicken?! I don't think even the British could have a larger breakfast! I slowly sit down at the table, and Derek must have seen the expression on my face because he asks: "What's wrong Casey? Is this breakfast too unhealthy for you?"

Time to loosen up, or at least try to.

"Why, no Derek, I'm perfectly ok with it."

"So it won't bother you if Marti takes some of this chocolate cake with her to her excursion.

"Why should it?"

"Then you'll surely be okay if we eat like this every morning from now on…"

To hell with loosening up!

"Are you crazy? Do you even randomly know how unhealthy this breakfast is? We'll all get fat and die from heart attacks!"

"And so the good old Casey we all love returns."

Everybody stops eating, except Derek.

I think that this is the first since we moved in together that all the Venturis and the MacDonald's have been silent together at the same time. All of us are staring at Derek while he just goes on smiling as if he hadn't admitted that he loves me.

I can't believe what he just said! My heart is beating very fast and at the same time I think it just skipped a beat when he finished talking. I guess that I have a very red head by now and my hand have gotten sweaty. He loves me? Or did he just make a mistake? From the way he's smiling he may not even have noticed what he said. Maybe he just went crazy. Or he's just seconds away from taking it back or adding an ironic sentence to it.

Or not?

I hate suspense!

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A/N: So, what do you think? Hate it, love it? I'm sort of anxious about this chapter since it's been a while since I've written anything. Please review and let me know what you think!


	7. Chapter 7

Disclaimer: I don't own LWD!

A/N: Hey guys! I'm really really sorry for making you wait this long for the next chapter!!! There has been going on so much in my life lately that I never found the time to write. Now I'm finally slowing down and the first thing my bad conscience told me to do was to finally go on with this story. Thanks for everyone who's still (or for the first time, too) reading this story: Merry Christmas & Happy New Year!

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_I Dream of Derek_

And it's still eerily quiet in the usually very loud Venturi-MacDonald-kitchen. Eventually my mom breaks the silence:

"Derek, are you aware that you just said you love your sister Casey?"

"Stepsister. And you didn't hear me right I said "the Casey _you _all love", which doesn't include me."

He denies saying what we all thought we heard him say and it seems like the rest of the family believes him, but I've become a master in the art of seeing through most of Derek's lies. I can see his hands trembling lightly and the slightly panicked look in his face. But I guess it was just a slip, he didn't really mean it.

As everybody continues eating I wonder if his denial is good or bad. Breaking it to the family like that wouldn't be the best idea, but the fact is that there is no good way to tell something like that. And maybe he really didn't mean it and I'm just overreacting! Sometimes I wish I could just turn my brain off and stop thinking, just like Derek seems to do…

"You know Derek, I really wish you had meant what you said, and it would really be nice to see that you have come to accept my daughters as your sisters."

"Lizzie? Maybe. But Casey? No way. She'll never be my sister."

Though shocked at first, when I look at Derek I see him winking at me. And surprisingly, I understand what he's trying to tell me.

"Derek's right, mom. And I will never consider Derek my brother, though I do love Marti and Edwin as if they were my real siblings."

"Well, we can't say we're really shocked about that, right Nora?"

"No, you're right George. You see when we first talked about moving together and merging our families we knew that you two may not be able to consider each other real siblings. You were both old enough to actually rather date each other than to learn to care for each other as siblings do…"

At this point of her speech, both Derek and I trade quick glances and turn a light shade of pink, but no words of disgust or agreement are uttered.

"…but for the sake of this family, would you please just be friends with each other and get along just a little better so the neighbours will stop thinking that you're trying to kill each other?"

"Well, we can try, right Derek?"

"I guess…"

"So if Derek and Casey aren't siblings then they can get married and live happily ever after, right Dad?"

"Oh Marti, Nora and I considered the possibility of them dating just after they first met, but if they really had been attracted to each other they would have acted upon it then and not now, 2 years after knowing each other, right?"

As both, Derek and me, mumble words of agreement, Edwin laughs at the notion of me and Derek dating. Mom and George laugh half-heartedly while giving us strange looks, as if they suspected something at the lack of us freaking out about the whole issue. And Marti and Lizzie are both smiling and shaking their heads at us, Lizzie because she knows better about me and Marti because it seems that nothing can convince her that we are not meant to be with each other.

I don't dare to look at Derek though; I don't want to see the look on his face right now. Nor do I want him to see the look on my face. I fear to see agreement or negation in his eyes and I don't know which I fear the most. Above all, I don't want him to notice that I'm barely able not to break out in tears. I just feel so sad: that I didn't give my parents the benefit of the doubt about realizing the problems that the whole merging-our-families business would bring with it. That it never occurred to me that they would keep an open mind about any outcome. And I feel conflicted, too. Mom and George seemed so relieved that Derek and I never started dating. But Marti wants us to be together so much that I can't stand to break her hopes. I love her like a sister and I do not want to hurt her. It's for crying out loud!!! And I hate Derek for doing this to me, but I love him and I can't stand this whole situation, I feel like I'm going crazy! I need to get out of here!

"Thank you for breakfast, I'm going to go to prepare for school now."

"Aw, Casey, can you drop me off at my school? Pleeeease!"

"Sure Marti, I'll be down in a second."

Thank God for Marti. This way I won't have to go to school with Derek. I run up the stairs to my room. First, I take a couple of deep breaths to calm myself.

"Everything is going to be okay, everything is going to be okay, everything is going to be okay."

Thinking about it, maybe that weird conversation we just had was the best possible scenario that could have happened. This way I know that Nora and George wouldn't be disgusted if they knew about my feelings for Derek. I feel somewhat better, at school I'll talk to Paul and I hope he'll be able to help me with this whole situation.

Since I'm still in my pyjamas I change into my street clothes.

I wonder if I should put on a shawl… nah, I guess it's not that cold yet. Grabbing my schoolbag I run down the stairs and put on my coat.

"Marti, are you ready to go?"

"Yes, I am, and Sir Monks-a-lot is ready too!"

"You're taking him with you on your first school-trip?"

"Of course, he's going to protect me on the trip!"

"Then Sir-Monks-a-lot must be very brave!"

"No, he's a coward, but I'll make him protect me because if he doesn't I wont give him any more bananas!"

I laugh out loud about her comments, Marti is really cute, though she's somewhat taking after Derek.

Thinking of the devil…

"So, Marti, are you ready to go?"

"What are you talking about, Derek? She asked _me_ to give her a ride!"

"I asked both of you! Casey is the safer driver but Smerek knows the way to my school!"

I don't believe it! I have the most conniving little sister in the world. And judging from the grin on her face she knows exactly what she's doing.

"Well, then let's get it over with."

While Marti says goodbye to George and Mom I get the car out of the garage, all the time being followed by a grinning Derek. Eventually, I lose it:

"What are you grinning at?!?"

"Marti's matchmaker skills, or haven't you noticed what she's trying to do?"

Sighing, I agree with him, but…

"But what are we going to do about it?"

"Hook up?"

"Stop kidding! We need to find a way to make it clear to her that we will never be a couple…right?"

"If you wish so…"

"I didn't say that."

"What do you mean?"

"Uhm, I, nothing, just forget it…"

Damn, I said that last sentence before thinking about it! Ugh, I really have to remember to always check out what… Huh? What? Why is Derek smiling like that? More importantly…why is he leaning towards where I'm sitting? Why is he taking off his seat belt? I'm trying to back away into my seat to avoid being so close to him, but there's only so much space to do so. He's leaning closer! Is he trying to kiss me again? Is Kendra here?! Okay, that was a stupid thought…aaaaah! He smells so good, oh god, he's so close I can feel his breath tingling my lips, making me involuntarily shiver…which in turn makes him smile. A real smile, a smile that is going to be the end of me. I think my brain is going to shut down now, good bye realm of conscious acting…

"Casey! Smerek! Are you ready to go?"

And just like that I'm back and Derek backs away from me. Grinning like an idiot he says:

"Saved by the little sister."

How infuriating can a situation really get? Because I think I'm entering unknown realms of rage here! I am going to kill him!!!!!!!! As soon as we drop off Marti.

Shaking off the thoughts of manslaughter, I force myself to calm down and eventually manage to put a smile on my face.

"Okay Marti, I'm ready! Do you have everything you need?"

"Yes, I'm ready, I'm ready!"

"Okay then! Derek, will you tell me where to drive to?"

"Okay, you need to turn left there and then…"

Thus, with Derek giving me the instructions where to drive to and Marti correcting him every once in a while we make it to her school's parking lot just in time.

"Okay, now let's find your teacher and your classmates."

"They're right over there by the big bus!"

Marti jumps out of the car and runs towards her classmates, completely forgetting about her backpack, though not of Sir Monks-A-Lot.

I reach out for her backpack, but just when I'm about to grab it, Derek snatches it away from me.

"What exactly are you doing?"

He just gives me a smile and gets out of the car saying:

"It's heavy."

Okay, how many times can the same guy leave me speechless in just one morning? And how am I supposed to keep my guards up around him if he suddenly begins to behave like a gentleman? This just has to be some kind of joke.

Sighing and trying to clear my head in the process, I step out of the car too, and walk towards the bus to say goodbye to Marti.

When I join Derek at the crowd of little children chattering noisily, Marti comes to us and takes us by the hand.

"Come on guys, you need to meet my teacher and give her my backpack!"

She drags us to the place where a smiling middle-aged woman is standing, apparently talking to the parents of the rest of her bunch of pupils.

"Hello Derek! Nice of you to drop off your sister before going to school yourself. Oh, and you must be Casey, Derek's girlfriend, Marti has told me a lot about you."

"W…what? I think there's some kind of misunderstanding here, I'm not…"

"Aw, darling you don't need to hide our relationship, the whole world shall know that we are in love with each other!"

"Der-ek! Stop fooling around and tell…"

"Casey, listen to your boyfriend and relax, you're old enough to have a relationship with whomever you feel like. Oh, look what time it is! We need to go or we'll be late! You can give me Marti's backpack I'll store it with the rest of them. Have a nice day!"

And just like that she hurries away to gather the kids leaving me dumbstruck beside a laughing Derek and a grinning Marti.

"Marti! You can't just go around telling people lies like that!"

"I'm sorry Casey, do you hate me now?"

Who can stay mad at her when she pulls her puppy-dog-eyes-trick?

"Of course not…"

"Well then there's no problem! Bye Casey, bye Derek, now you can kiss inside the car all you want!"

Is this kid for real? And Derek's still laughing while we're heading to the car!

"Oh stop laughing, this is not funny! Anyway, why didn't you tell her the truth?"

"Don't know, maybe because your expression was just priceless?"

"You're unbelievable!"

"I know."

"Ugh, just get inside the car so we can get to school where I don't have to be around you all the time!"

Once inside, he just grins at me and shakes his head.

"What?!"

"You know that you could just drop the attitude and admit that you actually _want_ to spend all day by my side…"

"Cut the crap, will you? Why would I want to do that?"

"For the same reason that you haven't gone on a date for quiet some time."

"I just broke up with Max!"

"That was a long time ago, like in the dark ages."

Ok, that's just about it. He wants to play dirty? Well, two can play this game!

"For your information, I'm going on a date this afternoon."

He suddenly sits up straight in his seat and the grin on his face disappears as quickly as it appeared.

"Really? Who with?"

That's a very good question...

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A/N: Like it? Hate it? Review!


	8. Chapter 8

Disclaimer: I don't own LWD!

A/N: Okay, once again I'm sorry for posting so late! This chapter is a little bit angsty. I'm not so sure if that turned out well so please review and tell me! And to all those who have read and reviewed my story: Thank you sooo much! I'm very happy that you like my story and that you continue supporting me! Have fun reading!

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_I Dream of Derek_

As I try to think of a guy that will go out with me this afternoon, he crosses his arms and his eyes darken. Derek isn't taking this well…I thought he would tease me about it. Why is he reacting this way? It's not like we've actually expressed any feelings for each other. Ok, his stare is starting to make me nervous; I better come up wit an answer now!

Let's see…Sam? That would be too mean, he's Derek's best friend, and I don't want to come between them again. Ralph? Eew, no. Noel? It'd be just weird. We agreed to be friends, I don't want to deceive him. Who's left of the guys I know? Going out with someone I don't know at all is out of the question. Who likes me enough to go out on a date with me but that I don't like enough to feel guilty about tricking him? I got it! That's perfect! I'm going out with…

"I'm going out on a date with Truman."

As we've just reached a red ample, I have time to study his face as he reacts to my announcement. At first he's shocked, not in a good way. Then he tries to put on a neutral expression. Just seconds later confusion makes its way to his facial expressions. Then something seems to make sense inside of his head. For the shortest time I see his look soften and my ears catch the tiniest sound of the slightest sigh of relief. Then it passes. And he begins to grin. And it's not a sarcastic who-cares-what-you-do sort of grin; it's a triumphant I-know-something-you-don't-know type of grin.

Just when I'm about to ask him about it, the ample turns green, and I concentrate on driving.

"Who would have thought that little miss perfect is a liar?"

"What? I'm not lying."

"You're just trying to make me jealous."

"Why would I want to do that?"

"Because you love me."

I'm really, really tempted to just say yes, but I can't. I'm too afraid. Pathetic but true. I need more time! If he keeps pushing the wrong buttons, I'm going to say something I might regret deeply. Because I think I know what the real problem is. Mom and George would be irritated, maybe even a little angry, but they would understand. Lizzie doesn't want to hear too much about it but she's okay with it too. Even Emily is fine with it. The only one who isn't fine with it is…me. I realized it when Marti's teacher called me Derek's girlfriend. I could have played along. I could have said yes and enjoy the few minutes where we could just pretend to be a couple. But I couldn't. And not just because I wanted to hide my feelings. I've gotten very good at playing Derek's little games; I could have just talked my way out of it after playing along. The real reason is that in the instant in which the teacher called me his girlfriend, I didn't blush; I didn't feel happiness, butterflies in my stomach or anything like that. I felt a strong urge to tell the truth, that Marti was lying and that we are step-siblings and therefore couldn't possibly be a couple. My moral compass isn't okay with the step-siblings-issue, and before saying anything, I need to sort out this situation with myself. And Paul.

So no, no way am I going to admit anything to Derek before I can truly and honestly say that I don't care about us being step-siblings.

"Stop saying that! And okay, I am lying about going out with Truman, but I could very well be going out with somebody if I wanted to. The thing is I don't want to, and the reason behind that is none of your business."

"Fine, be that way. You're no fun"

Though he seems a little frustrated by my attitude, no news on that front, I see him relax. Maybe because now he knows I'm not planning on going out with any guy, maybe because…don't know, and who cares anyway. Sighing, I have to admit that of course I care, but I need to stop thinking about this, or I'm really going to go crazy.

At least he has stopped fooling around. Good. Now I need to concentrate on driving to school and somehow make it through the morning until I can finally talk to Paul in the afternoon.

_Later…_

I don't know how I got through the morning lessons. Even the teachers began to look worriedly at me as I kept sighing rather loudly. Which is not embarrassing at all…

Emily tried to make me spill the beans about the reason for my unusual sadness and silence. Even Derek noticed and rather than showing any sign of worry he thanked me for a morning of blissful silence. I ignored him as hard as I could and Emily too. For since I told her about my little big crush, she seems to have become unable not to giggle whenever she sees me and Derek interact in any kind of way. And I mean any. She freakin' burst out in uncontrollable giggles when she saw him take away the last clean tray in the cafeteria from right under my nose. Which isn't funny! Nor helping my fragile state of mind in the least.

At last, here I am in front of Paul's room. I take a deep breath and open the door.

"Hey Paul! I have a big problem."

"That usually happens when you fall in love with your step-sibling."

"Ha ha, funny."

"You don't seem to be your enthusiastic self today, what happened?"

"Well, remember our last session? I figured out that the problem was me. By now, I've found out that my family and my best friend wouldn't care about a relationship between step-siblings. They really aren't the problem. So I thought that I was freaking out because that's just what I do when I fall in love with someone. But, this time it's different, it's ten times worse! This time I'm not only freaking out because of that, but also because though everyone else seems to be okay with the step-sibling issue, I'm not. I am the problem here. I've always stuck with the rules, and though there isn't one specifically forbidding this, I feel like my mere feelings are wrong. And that sucks. It really, really su…sucks."

At this point I have to stop myself, because now the tears I've been fighting since I began my little speech are coming out now.

Paul hands me a Kleenex and tries to calm me down, asking me to take a few deep breaths.

"Casey, don't cry. It's a good thing that you've started to confront the problem instead of running away from it or denying it. Now let's talk about this, you'll see that it's not as bad as it seems. Tell me, when Derek kissed you, when he thought that you were sleeping how did that feel?"

"Well, it felt good, it felt alarmingly great."

"Then I assume that the thought that what you were doing or feeling was wrong didn't occur to you while it happened."

"No, not really. I was surprised and shocked and definitely pleased but it didn't feel wrong."

"Did it feel different than kissing one of your ex-boyfriends?"

"Yes. The kissing was good too, with the others, but with Derek it just felt, well, right. It felt like magic, you know? His lips are soft, but when he…"

"Don't need to hear the details. Casey? Hello? Earth to Casey, stop daydreaming!"

"Sorry! I got carried away."

"I got that. Let's focus here. So you've told me that you have a problem with being in love with your step-sibling, but how come that when you kiss him you don't feel anything wrong with it?"

"Uhm, hormones?"

"And that's all there is to it?"

"Yeah, I think so."

"Then let me ask you this: how do you feel for Derek in comparison to how you felt for Max?"

"It felt good to be in love with Max, I felt happy. With Derek I'm never sure. I know I've fallen in love with him, but sometimes I'd like to kill him anyway. He has the disturbing ability to make me hate him in one moment and to make me love him in the next. It's like being on a roller-coaster. He makes me happier than I've ever been before and angrier than when J. K. Rowling killed Hedwig! And he can make me cry so fast and make me forgive him without apologizing, because…I don't know why. It's frustrating and reassuring and crazy and so real that it's incredibly scary. So scary that sometimes all I want to do is to hide in my bed and never face him or my feelings again."

"In other words: this is the first time you've _really_ fallen in love, head over heels."

"Yeah…"

Chuckling and letting spill some more tears over my face, I lean my head on my arms which are folded over Paul's desk. The unbelievably tight knot that formed in my stomach while I thought about everything Derek makes me feel is making me tremble in fright of this feeling that should be called torture but that people refer to as love.

"Casey, it is okay to feel scared, but don't let your fears control your life. From what you've told me, neither your body nor your heart feel any repulsion to be with Derek because you're step-siblings. So, couldn't it be that blaming the fact that you're step-siblings for not being able to express your real feelings is just a very convenient way for you not to face your fears?"

Now that I think about it, Paul may be right. The thought of telling Derek that I love him is so damn scary that I guess I desperately sought for a reason not to be able to do so. Denial is a strong force.

"I should have known that. Waaahhh! This is all so depressing! And I'm behaving like a baby! Doesn't listening to this stuff annoy you?"

"That's my job."

"That…sort of sucks."

At this moment we both started laughing. And finally, I felt the fear and the confusion fade away. Not completely, but as much that I can think clearly now.

"Thanks Paul, for everything. Now if you excuse me, I got to go on a date."

"Good luck with that, I really wish you to be happy."

"So I stop tormenting you with my weird problems?"

"Mostly…"

Laughing, I wave Paul goodbye and start walking towards the parking place. As I spot the car I also see Derek, pacing around in front of it. He must have been waiting for me…

"Casey! Where have you been? I've been waiting for you for half an hour!"

"Sorry, I had to talk to Paul about something."

"I hope it was worth the 30 minutes of my life I wasted waiting for you."

"Yeah, it was worth it. Oh and by the way, I've decided to go on a date today after all."

"Who with?"

"You."

I almost burst out laughing at the expression on his face. I've never seen him so surprised. And now, he's smiling.

"You sure?"

"Yes. That a problem?"

"No, let's go."

We both get into the car, both grinning like, well, idiots, both utterly happy. Or at least I am.

"So, where do you want to go?"

* * *

A/N: I know, I'm evil to leave you hanging like this. The next chapter will be the final one, and I'll get it done by the end of this week. I promise!


	9. Chapter 9

A/N: I'm sooooooooooooo sorry for uploading this so late, when I promised it wouldn't take more than a week. The problem was: 2 or 3 days after posting the last chapter, I went skiing and got into a huge accident. I had to remain in the hospital for almost a month, and after that I had a hell of a hard time catching up with university stuff. Finally, this weekend I found time to finish writing this! I hope you haven't lost interest in this story. Thanks for everyone who has been reading & reviewing, and so, without further delay, I give you the last chapter of:

_I Dream Of Derek_

I'm nervous. Really, really nervous. No, scratch that out. I'm freaking out of my mind! It's really fortunate that Derek is driving, since I wouldn't be able to concentrate at all. I'm going out on a date. With my stepbrother. The guy half the school's population is dying to go out with. A guy I'm in love with. Who has kissed me twice. Hugged once. So, no pressure at all.

Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaah! Why don't they cover 'How to go on a first date with your stepbrother?' at school? Okay, Casey, you need to stay calm, breath in and breath out, don't think about how sweaty your hands are, don't think about how your heart seems to be enjoying itself on a rollercoaster. Don't…. Waah! This is not helping! Why me! Nonononono! I can't do this! It's too early!

I turn to tell Derek to postpone what would surely be a disaster…but I can't even open my mouth. He looks so… happy. He isn't grinning, not goofing. He's just smiling. And he's relaxed. Could that be because he's going out with me….? No, that can't be it, right? It's only because he's driving. That's all.

"The skating rink at the park near our house opened last week. Want to go skating?"

"Uhm, sure. Should we stop by the house to get your skates?"

"No, we can just borrow some there."

"Okay."

We went silent after that. I am trying not to freak out and make some kind of scene or get into a fight. He seems so…relaxed. Why?!? Isn't he nervous at all? Maybe he thinks I just asked him to go out on a date as step-siblings? No, that'd be really weird, even for us. Waaah! We've arrived! Oh god, please help me, someone please make this go well!

"Here we are. You do know how to skate, right Casey?"

"Sure. I just haven't done it for about 4 years now. But isn't it like riding a bicycle, like you don't forget it?"

"I wouldn't exactly say that, you may want to prepare yourself to fall down a few times."

"Well, then you'll just have to catch me."

At that, he just grins and begins to climb out of the car. Taking a moment to somehow make the furious flush vanish from my face, I get out of the car, too.

We both walk towards the entrance, where an elder woman is selling tickets to enter the skating rink, and where you can also rent skates.

Derek turns to her and asks for the tickets. He also requests skates for the two of us. (Where from does he know my shoe size, anyway?) He even pays for them himself!

"Wow, thanks. Didn't think I'd see the day you would behave gentleman-like."

"Don't thank me, courtesy of Edwin."

"You'll never change, will you?"

We laugh a little, put on our skates and walk towards the frozen lake: It's beautiful! The ice is glittering in the pale autumn sun, making the area shine in a surreal light. I wonder if Derek knew about it and wanted to show it to me. Well, we've been able to maintain a somewhat yelling-free and not-embarrassing conversation, until now. I don't need to destroy this by asking something of which I'm sure that he'll be embarrassed about.

Only few people are here now, so there's plenty of room to skate. Derek immediately starts skating, and I follow him…or at least try to.

"What the…?"

I manage to regain my balance just in time to prevent myself from falling down on the frozen ground, face first. Since when is ice so damn slippery?! I try to skate once more and actually succeed in doing so, for a few seconds.

"Waaaah! Ouch!"

"I knew you'd fall down!"

Grinning, Derek is looking down at me as I struggle to stand up on the ice-of-hell.

"Stop grinning! You were skating right beside me and could have caught me!"

His smile turns a little guilty and he reaches out to hold my hands and starts to pull me towards him.

Nervously, I ask: "Uhm, w-what are you doing? You d-don't need to be holding hands with me, don't you usually stick to your no-PDA-rule? I m-mean it's not like we're boy-and g-girlfriend, but well, we are on a date, right? Or did you only want to go out as step-siblings? Wait that sounded wrong….but you get what I mean, right? And, well it's not like…"

"Relax, Casey! I'm just trying to help you skate. Just let me lead you, I won't let you fall again, okay?"

"Uhm, fine."

I wish the ice would just open up and swallow me. I'm surprised it hasn't molten beneath me. My face feels like it's trying to turn into lava! Really, what freakishly unlucky star was I born under that I constantly manage to get myself into the most embarrassing situations?!

Sadly, skating while not concentrating on it is tricky. No wonder I find myself closing my eyes in fear of my second fall, but…

"I caught you!"

Surprised, I begin to take in my situation. I'm lying in Derek arms. I am lying in Derek's arms? I AM LYING IN DEREK'S ARMS!!!!

"Derek! What are you doing?"

"You don't need to be so alarmed, it's not like you're going to catch boy cooties or anything!"

"I can stand perfectly well on my own thank…wait, did you just say boy cooties?"

"Whatever, if I don't hold you, you'll just fall again."

"So not true, I'm okay now, see….waaaah!"

"You're really having a major klutzilla-outbreak, aren't you?"

"Stop calling me that! And if you knew that I wouldn't be able to skate properly, why didn't you warn me?"

"I did! You were the one who told me to just catch you!"

"So you wanted to come here so you could _hug _me?"

"Uhm, no…well…you see…"

I can't believe it! He's such a guy, ugh! But seeing him stammering and desperately trying to find an excuse is sort of cute. And suddenly I can't help but laugh at the whole situation.

"Why are you laughing?! I'm not the one you has dreams about non-existing guys!"

"Oh please, that was just my subconscious acting up about the whole denying-issue by creating a dream-you who's been bugging me…"

"Whoa! Wait a minute! You mean you were dreaming about me?"

Ooops. I did not say that, right? Right?!? Heck, I might as well tell him the truth now…

"Well, yeah. It's what actually made me believe I …you…well…that I don't like you as a stepsibling but rather, well...like, you know…"

"Like I like you?"

I look up at him and see how kind his eyes seem as they look at me. How soft his features have gotten. They are not showing any signs of sarcasm. I also notice how the smile I'm learning to love has returned to his face. And though there are still a thousand questions in my head, for once, I don't feel the need to say anything. Because I know. I know. So I skate a little closer to him. My left hand travels upwards to cup his right cheek. My left hand rests against his chest, feeling his heart beat. And as soon as he gets over the initial surprise, he puts one of his hands on the small of my back and uses the other to tangle it in my hair. As I lean up he leans down thus meeting me halfway. Slowly, oh so very slowly, I brush my lips against his prolonging the tension…until he just pulls me towards him catching my lips with his own and pressing my body flush against his. The kiss that ensues is like nothing I've ever felt before. His hands hold me gently; his lips engage mine in a bruising dance, making me cling to his chest and neck for support. The feel of it all, so gentle but passionate leave me breathless and shivering, feeling like swarms of butterflies are using my stomach as an impromptu dance floor. Oh god, I think I may just black out now…Hmmm? Why is he stopping? Why is he pulling away?! Oh! We need to breathe…

"That was…"

"Yeah."

Now, though still in each others arms, we just let our foreheads touch, trying to catch our breaths and trying to get our heart beats under control. Slowly, we pull apart, just leaving our hands intertwined. We're both smiling at each other, and I feel so relieved and happy and full of bliss…

"So, wanna tell me what exactly happened in those dreams of yours?"

"Way to kill the mood, moron."

"Oh, come on!"

"You won't ever let me live that down, right?"

"Nope."

Aaargh! There's got to be something I can blackmail him with so that he'll have to wipe that evil grin off his face! Oh! There is something, or rather, someone…

"Fine! Let's make a deal: You don't ever mention _that _again and I tell Kendra the truth."

"Hmmm, it would be nice to have her quit chasing after me, but to give up such information?"

"Make up your mind already!"

"How about raising the stakes? I'll never bug you about your dreams and you tell the whole school about...us."

"Us?"

"Yes, us. Me and you as boy- and girlfriend. Absolutely not as stepsiblings, because we never have been nor ever will be siblings!"

Oh my god! He just confessed! Well, sort of, but with Derek I guess this is all I'll get for now. And I'm sure as hell not going to complain!

"O-okay."

"Nice. So I suggest you tell the school on graduation day, you're the valedictorian, right?"

"Uhmmm, what?"

"You did not actually forget what I asked from you in return for my silence, did you?"

Damn! That totally slipped my mind after he referred to me as his girlfriend, why am I such a sap?!?…

"Wait a minute! You can't really expect from me o do such a thing, I mean what will they think?"

"Why should we care? After graduation we won't have to see those people again. And if our friends, Sam, Ralph, Noel and Emily, those people we actually want to see, reject us, then what sort of friends are they?"

"Actually, Emily already knows…

"So does Sam."

"And Lizzy."

"And Edwin."

"And Paul."

"And, of course, Marti. See, it won't be that difficult, and I think that several people have had their suspicions by now."

"Okay, fine, I'll do it. But only if you'll stand by my side."

"I promise, I will."

"And what about Mom and George? They need to know it before then!"

"I think they've had their suspicions too, did you see how they looked at us this morning?"

"Yeah. Do you…I mean, do _we_ want to tell them today?"

"Okay, but let's go on skating for now."

"Sure."

So he pulls at my hands, which he has been holding all this time, and we begin to skate silently. Occasionally we glance at each other, smiling and/or blushing at each other. But we're both too happy and so full of thoughts and bliss that neither of us wants to break the peaceful silence. Well, at least I am…

"So, since your part of the deal hasn't taken place yet, mind telling me about your dreams?"

"Der-ek!!!"

_Later…_

After spending hours in the park we finally decided it was time to go home. So now we're standing here, in front of our house. And for my part, I'm terrified to go in.

"Casey, you alright?"

"Just a little scared…"

"Oh, come on, we've been over this for at least a dozen times, we'll be just fine!"

"I know. I just need to calm down a little…"

"Fine."

And just like that I find myself in Derek's arms for the umpteenth time today.

"Just relax, okay?"

"You really like to hug me, don't you?"

"Shut up!"

I just laugh and lean up to give him a quick kiss to thank him, but…

"What…?"

Just as our lips touch each other, we both are blinded by an intense white light. As we part from each other to look for the source of the light, or rather _flash_ as it turns out to be, we see something that leaves us frozen on the spot.

"George! How could you forget to turn off the flash?"

"I'm sorry Nora, but if I had done that I wouldn't have been able to take the picture in time!"

"Oh, come on Dad! After making me and Lizzy run for the camera through the whole house, you just had to ruin everything!"

"Well, if Lizzy called me to the window when they were already hugging, there wasn't much time left to do anything but just take the picture!"

"Dad, Nora, Edwin, Lizzy! What the hell were you thinking? Give that camera right now!"

"Oh come on, Derek! It was the perfect opportunity!"

"Edwin! Give me the camera right now!"

"Edwin, run!"

"Stop right there!"

"Kids, stop running through the house!"

As I watch my family running and crying like mad through the house, I can't do anything but stand by the open door and just stare. I'm speechless. Literally speechless. I just watch as Derek chases after Edwin and Lizzy, which are trying to save the camera from him. Mom and George are trying to calm them down, but really, they are just laughing and cooing about how _cute_ Derek and I look together and how much our kiss reminded them of their own first kiss. And just as I think that things couldn't possibly get any worse:

"Dad, Nora, Derek, Casey, Edwin, Lizzy, I'm back!"

"Hi Marti! Guess what? Casey and Derek just kissed in front of the house and Dad managed to take a picture of it!"

"Yaaaaaaaaay!!!!!!!!! I knew they love each other! So, when's going to be the wedding?"

Okay, I'm now officially admitting that our family is the craziest thing that has happened to this planet. Ever.

"Hey Space-Case! Stop daydreaming and help me out here!"

"Waaaaah! Der-ek! Stop calling me that already!"

_The End!_

A/N: Finally, it's completed! I hope you enjoyed it and please, tell me what you think and what I could do better! Thank you!


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